for mother's day

I just reread a blog post my sister wrote a few years ago titled, “My Stupid Mother.”

As it walks through the dumb mistakes my mother has made and how they have impacted her children I am brought to tears. Yet it is the ending that has me sitting down to write.

“Despite the ravages of life around me, it was Bonnie’s steady heart and soft spirit that sustained me and still sustains me through my own mistakes and stupidity. She is and will always be, one of my greatest loves, stupidity and all.”

Like my mother, I too have many children. I too am a stay at home mom. I too struggle with depression and though I do not abuse a substance I seem addicted to stress and anxiety. I have my own escapes.

One day as I sat at the kitchen table, looking out the window, my head fell into my hands as I asked the Lord, “Am I enough, am I going to be enough for my children?” Instantly I was reminded of my own mother who was often found at her table gazing into space. In my heart I knew that my mom was enough. I do not want to minimize the pain caused by her “stupid” choices and the meaning I gave them. But in that moment, as I sat at my table, who my mom was, was enough. Despite all, she was a steady force in my life, especially after she was sober. She loved us. She was humble. She was there. She listened.

And I miss her. I too can say that my mom is one of my greatest loves.

I am enough.





I am enough. My mom was enough. How can one be so bold to say she is enough for her children? I know the faults I have. I know (and sadly my kids know) how I have sinned against them. And each sin bears it’s fruit of death in our lives. As did my mother’s.

I am enough. Is that really a true statement? How can it be? I hope I can write what is in my heart.

I am enough because I am not all there is! Hallelujah! Just as my mother is not the only one who has mothered me I am not the only one who is mothering my children. I often pray that God will make up the lack in me in my children’s lives. I am not talking about other women, though other women have mothered me. I am speaking of a love that surpasses human love. One that is perfect, constant, and always for me. That One is Jesus.

Today, mother’s day, I received a song from one of my sisters by Sinéad O'Connor. Only One who is superhuman can do and be all the things she is saying in her song, “This Is To Mother You”.

This is to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
This is to mother you
This is to be with you
To hold you and to kiss you too
For when you need me I will do
What your own mother didn't do
Which is to mother you
All the pain that you have known
All the violence in your soul
All the 'wrong' things you have done
I will take from you when I come
All mistakes made in distress
All your unhappiness
I will take away with my kiss, yes
I will give you tenderness
For child I am so glad I've found you
Although my arms have always been around you
Sweet bird although you did not see me
I saw you
And I'm here to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
This is to mother you

Jesus is enough. And so I am enough.