for mother's day

I just reread a blog post my sister wrote a few years ago titled, “My Stupid Mother.”

As it walks through the dumb mistakes my mother has made and how they have impacted her children I am brought to tears. Yet it is the ending that has me sitting down to write.

“Despite the ravages of life around me, it was Bonnie’s steady heart and soft spirit that sustained me and still sustains me through my own mistakes and stupidity. She is and will always be, one of my greatest loves, stupidity and all.”

Like my mother, I too have many children. I too am a stay at home mom. I too struggle with depression and though I do not abuse a substance I seem addicted to stress and anxiety. I have my own escapes.

One day as I sat at the kitchen table, looking out the window, my head fell into my hands as I asked the Lord, “Am I enough, am I going to be enough for my children?” Instantly I was reminded of my own mother who was often found at her table gazing into space. In my heart I knew that my mom was enough. I do not want to minimize the pain caused by her “stupid” choices and the meaning I gave them. But in that moment, as I sat at my table, who my mom was, was enough. Despite all, she was a steady force in my life, especially after she was sober. She loved us. She was humble. She was there. She listened.

And I miss her. I too can say that my mom is one of my greatest loves.

I am enough.





I am enough. My mom was enough. How can one be so bold to say she is enough for her children? I know the faults I have. I know (and sadly my kids know) how I have sinned against them. And each sin bears it’s fruit of death in our lives. As did my mother’s.

I am enough. Is that really a true statement? How can it be? I hope I can write what is in my heart.

I am enough because I am not all there is! Hallelujah! Just as my mother is not the only one who has mothered me I am not the only one who is mothering my children. I often pray that God will make up the lack in me in my children’s lives. I am not talking about other women, though other women have mothered me. I am speaking of a love that surpasses human love. One that is perfect, constant, and always for me. That One is Jesus.

Today, mother’s day, I received a song from one of my sisters by Sinéad O'Connor. Only One who is superhuman can do and be all the things she is saying in her song, “This Is To Mother You”.

This is to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
This is to mother you
This is to be with you
To hold you and to kiss you too
For when you need me I will do
What your own mother didn't do
Which is to mother you
All the pain that you have known
All the violence in your soul
All the 'wrong' things you have done
I will take from you when I come
All mistakes made in distress
All your unhappiness
I will take away with my kiss, yes
I will give you tenderness
For child I am so glad I've found you
Although my arms have always been around you
Sweet bird although you did not see me
I saw you
And I'm here to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
This is to mother you

Jesus is enough. And so I am enough.

friendship and moving

the recent visit from some old friends made a belief I try to hold onto more viable, trustworthy and fruitful. we move a lot. true i moved many times as a child but i think even more so as an adult and wife of ken. ken is a visionary and he is bold and daring, courageous. i guess i must have some of those qualities as well or I would not be still at his side. still he is more so then i and his adventures sometimes push me to the brink of myself. but ken is not what I am planning to talk about here though there would be much to say on the subject. what I want to talk about is moving and friendship. the one seems to hinder the other, moving that is hinders building good friendships. this is true enough but it is not complete. we lived in PA for one year and we made some good friends in that time and I imagine not many will be fruitful because we were not there long enough for the roots of friendship to dig deep. there were some friendships in PA that grew because we had more time together but they were already established relationships.

i don’t want you to get the idea that it is my husband who is moving us around. while in college both ken and I gave our lives over to God to be used for his purposes. it is that one decision that keeps us moving, following where we believe He is leading us. our lives are not our own we remember. we are not conventional missionaries-though at one time we were on staff with a Christian ministry and ken has pastored a couple of times now. we have seen God do his God thing many times and are often growing in deeper awe of Him and his ways. he is a good God. i could talk a ton on that as well but then that is not what i am planning on saying here either.

the belief is that it is good to have several good friends around the country/world. you know that loved one you miss and look forward to being reunited with in the land beyond this one? moving a lot breaks your heart. you miss people so bad sometimes you are certain you made a mistake in moving. so do you continue to make good friends at the next stop? what if you are just going to move again? this is something everyone who has moved questions. it is tempting to not love again because your heart will just be crushed again. it is also the belief that there really is something better after this life and we will gain what we choose to give up in the next life. we don't have to hold on to our lives. in fact those of us who do will loose his life in the end.

if there really is an eternity waiting for us. if this life on earth is just temporary and not the main point then i will have eternity to be with my friends and family. and just think of all the reunions i will have. heart full reunions because i loved and was loved. not just a good to see you again kind of greeting but a full embrace, long and strong, reaching down to the core of me. this is the belief i sometime have to struggle to hold onto and it is the one that encourages me to love and be loved right where I am, even if one day we may move again. being reunited here on earth with old friends from over 12 years ago delighted my soul and gave me the faith to believe it is all worth it. at least for the time being.

Family Photo

The Burcham Family taken December 2008

We took this picture in about five minutes or so. It was very cold. A family photo is what Ken's Dad and his wife Martha were hoping to get for Christmas. We took several shots and ran back in the house hoping that at least one would work. Even our dog was looking in this one. It was taken in our front yard using Ken's camera...notice Ken's "running to get there in time" look.

Go EAGLES!

It is said that it takes at least one year to feel settled when you move. We moved two summers ago to Pennsylvania and then again this past summer to Oregon. So just as we were feeling pretty settled in PA we moved, again. We have now been in Oregon for about 6 months. We really love it here. We are connected in the homeschool community and our Church. We are so enjoying being near Ken’s family. We love the slower pace of a small western town and “playing” cowboys. Still we are not completely settled. Yesterday we celebrated Sam’s birthday. We had two families over, one family and one friends. They lingered for a while and this helped us in our “settling.” Today, as I write this, we are watching the Eagles game. We are true green Philadelphia Eagles fans. I grew up as an Eagles fan. Today I miss home and my family. I asked Ken to pick up some Buffalo wings with the traditional celery sticks and blue cheese. I called two pizza places and neither sold what I was hoping for. Something that trite tempts me to cave in, it unsettles me. It does not help that their are no Eagles fans here...at least that I know of. So I call my dad. He is the biggest Eagles fan I know and he is my dad. We talk about the game and Sam’s birthday. As we hang up to watch the pre-game show he reminds me to have everyone wearing green (the color of the Eagles). I hang up and make sure everyone is wearing green.

Go EAGLES!

Boys and Football

We have entered the arena of football parents this year as John (our 9 year old) joined the rec football league. The first day he came home saying he did not like it, the second day was better because he hit someone, and after the third day it was all go.

As a mom I was not really into him playing football. You know he might damage a growth plate, it feeds aggressive behavior, practice is almost every night interfering with dinner and our family rhythm. When John's highlight for the day is that he hit someone hard...something does not seem right. Thankfully and to my delight joining football has been a great outlet for John's passion. He has come alive and it shows in more then just football. His coaches have great things to say about John every game. He reminds me of "Rudy" but with the talent. He is small but surprisingly "hits" the big guys. Above you can see him playing nose guard (the green guy in front and in the middle), and he is ready!

One day at a game one of his teammates got hurt. When John came off the field he compassionately asked if he was okay. The boy was not (in his estimation though I could see nothing wrong) and went into a long story why he was not. John listened and then reflected back to him what he heard. The boy was heard and I was proud to see the softer side of John. I am even thinking I will miss it when the season is over...but certainly not as much as John. This second picture is John (number 20) getting a pep talk from one of his coaches.

Nice Try - Not!

Well we harvested our grapes and a friend and I tried to juice them with my champion juicer while our husbands were ripping our roof off. Well neither one of us had ever done this and the result was something that resembled grape pudding. We did not taste it. We decided we needed to stop and figure out a better way. I was really hoping for the process to be as easy as putting the grapes through my juicer but no. I was deflated. With the help of the internet and my friend taking the initiative we (she) were able to successfully juice the remaining grapes using a whole different method. Chalking this one up to a learning experience. Maybe next year I will even can it.

I have some pictures of the kids and Ken harvesting the grapes. I will try and post them in the future...but don't hold your breath. I need to contact Papa Joe about how to care for our vines so they produce again for us next year.

Bekah did make a yummy apple crisp with our apples. Go Bekah!

An Awakening

About a week ago the former owners of our new home in Oregon gave us a welcome basket. It was full of information about Pendleton and such and of course food! :) Homemade bread, gourmet popcorn, homemade jam and homemade grape juice. It was this gift that woke me up to the treasures we have on our property. The jam was made from our plum tree and the juice from our grapes. That is not all the fruit we have either. We have an apple tree (unlike our crab apple tree we had in Jersey) and two rasberry bushes. How fun! Tasting the goodness from our land suddenly has me wondering about how I can help foster the growth of these fruits. Today I tried one of our concord grapes...they are just about ready and I hope to juice them as the former owners did before me. They actually used the grape juice for communion in their church. Fun. I feel so uneducated about the fruit on our property but before I tasted it I did not have much of an interest in it. Now I want to know. There has been some spiritual parrellel here. :) "O Taste and see that the Lord is good...(Psalm 34:8)" And He is good. The rest of the verse ends with," blessed is the man who trusts in Him."